I slept badly last night. I had to be up at 6.30 but woke at 3 and found it hard to get back to sleep. I did but only for a brief moment. Long enough to dream about reconciliation. I was in H’s kitchen. I was close up to her and couldn’t see her just hear her voice. She had sensed that my resolve to leave had weakened and was holding on to me and being extremely familiar even while her lodgers and one of our children’s voices could be heard in the hallway. ‘Just use me as you see fit’, she kept saying.