2009 Wednesday 22nd April: Off to Denmark via Harwich

Here’s a trip that I forgot that I made – on my blue Triumph to Denmark – to do a week’s work at the University of Southern Denmark or was it for a conference? and some small touring around Denmark. Most of my trips start with the 67.8 Miles from home in Cambridge to Harwich for the ferry, this time in 1.75 hours. And this time, unlike most trips which have been the short overnight sailing to Hook of Holland, this is a longer trip direct to Esbjerg in Denmark, a sailing that did not exist for many years after this journey.

heading off to Denmark
Fellow biking passenger riding to Helsinki on the Guzi he’s just bought in the UK
Suffolk or Essex coast waiting to leave

I am feeling euphoric as I lean on the rail on the sundeck of this ship sailing out of Harwich harbour. Its a beautiful sunny evening as we pass huge container ships on one side and a village church on the slightly more distant other shore. I think repeatedly that this beats flying, having just experienced two 24 hour flights through the US in the last week or so. Here, you just drive up to the kiosk, show your ticket and drive on, no passports, no worrying whether you have left your scissors or bottle of juice in your bag, no metal detectors, no frisking, no waiting in dry air-conditioned airports for hours, no close questioning from immigration officials. And we are on Danish time. Some announcements are only in Danish. My cabin has a tv and is on the same level as my motorbike, near the bottom of the ship, so I will know if we are sinking before most of my fellow passengers. While waiting to ride on, I chatted to the only other biker, a tall Finnish man who, he tells me, has just taken out a 5000 Euro loan to come to the UK and buy a 10 year old V-twin Moto Guzzi cruiser. He is very proud of it and ties it down on the deck with real care.

His journey home to Helsinki will involve another 500 miles of riding and two ferries – if I understood him rightly. The ride from Cambridge to Harwich was beautiful for the most part, through sunny Essex villages and twisty roads. I felt so competent on the bike for a change. The luggage is a treat, my expensive panniers, and my highly visible yellow Ortlieb bag on the rack, plus my loaded tank bag. Handling is fine though I ‘noticed’ it takes rather longer to slow down with this extra weight. Now for an hour or so preparation for the student workshop on Friday then I will venture upstairs to either the swanky looking restaurant or the down at heel bar which will probably be full of the slim Danish youth who are here in great numbers, calling out ‘Lars’ to eachother and spraying themselves with the scent testers in the duty free shop. The captain has just told us that we should have a perfect crossing and to get up on the deck around 9pm to watch what he is predicting will be a beautiful sunset.

Its 0120 Danish time and sleep refuses to take me into her soft embrace. Perhaps its the coffee I had after my hugely expensive meal (I will take my own food and wine on board for the return) or the constant movement and vibrating furniture or the vestiges of jet lag. I will do a bit of work…

Travelling can be hell. Why should it be?

I’ve just arrived in the beautiful Fairmont Empress hotel in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, probably the most lavish room I have stayed in with its colonial style. The darkening sky tells me that evening is starting to settle in. But because I have not reset my watch as I have travelled Westwards across time zones, I can see that its exactly 24 hours since I climbed in a taxi in the darkness outside my mother’s house in Ruislip, Middlesex and had to put up with the driver’s spooky stories and inquiries all the way to Heathrow Airport – so, he asked after squeezing me for the information that I was an academic going to a conference, it’s the tax payer paying for your jollies is it then? The rest of the time has been in planes and, perhaps more tiring, sitting around in airports and being subject to huge amounts of questioning and x-raying. The constant security probes do start to feel personal and wearying. How I’m looking forward to next week’s (yikes!) ferry to Denmark, where you just turn up and drive on. Is it the tiredness, the air-conditioning, the anonymous space, or the body’s confusion over time that puts you into a dull trance? A kind of drugged alienation where you can’t really think or concentrate or be on edge, where you have to remind yourself five times to pick up your passport, where you forget things on the countless forms you have to fill in. A kind of passive mode.

The Reader with Kate Winslet

Here is a beautiful for the most part film exploring guilt and shame – and love of course. The guilt and shame is individual, the two leading actors both have shameful secrets, and national in how Germany responds to its Nazi past. Perhaps the film is not entirely sure of its genre. The first half is softly erotic (late fifties period costumes enhance this) and slightly sloppy love story between Michael, a 15 year old boy, and a woman in her 30s who works as a tram conductress, Hannah. Later the atmosphere is unsettled by more serious material and awkward characters that may well be developed more fully in the book that the film is based on. One is the elderly professor of law played by ex-angel, ex-Hitler, Bruno Ganz (one of my favourite actors). It is a strange part that is never properly developed, awkward, perhaps because he raises some awkward questions for his young law students. Likewise the now wealthy concentration camp survivor, living in New York who makes her main appearance near the end of the film. Even the filming now seems very distant from the warm early scenes.

Very moving for me were the moments when our hero Michael in both young and old roles failed to acknowledge his feeling for Hannah, failing to speak up in court when information he had could have been highly influential and failing to meet her in friendship when she is about to be released from prison. Both failures have a catastrophic effect on her. We see him struggle with this sense of guilt and emptiness throughout the older scenes he plays. Most arresting for me were Kate Winseltt’s beautifully shaped – eyebrows
picture-1

and her slightly cold European manner – both of which seem to remind me of someone.

My half of the debate

Earlier today I spoke in a debate about where researchers in nursing should publish their research. The other speakers were rather more focused on the motion that I was. Here’s the text of my talk:

For debate RCN Conference Cardiff, March 2009
I want to talk about ‘impact’ and about ‘nursing’. I want to suggest to you that we may have strongly felt and cherished beliefs about both but that the ‘truth’ about both is more complex than we would like to believe – and perhaps actually rather unpalatable. I’d like to suggest that we are living in a kind of ideological fog when we talk and think about them.
First I’d like to suggest that research may be less important than we think in an activity as complex as healthcare. In healthcare delivery what is far more influential on patient experience, on outcomes and on job satisfaction is the amount of work to be got through, how good the managers are, what our colleagues are like – and alongside every exemplary intelligent and highly motivated nurse there are a few who seem to use work as a kind of therapy sandpit to act out their problems with insecurity and resentment. Also having a huge influence on what happens in healthcare are the contingencies of daily unpredictability (people ringing in sick, agency staff who are lost, students who have fights with each other, medical consultants to be intimidated by, managers to be bullied by) not to even mention the constant distorting effects of a series of bizarre government targets that were invented not to make the health service better for anyone but to solve some short term media embarrassment for ministers. In this context, and yes, this is a negative picture but it it is the context, I think it is fair to say that compared with addressing some of these problems, the potential impact of research is small. We don’t need a stream of new knowledge constantly fed to nurses who are struggling with other factors at the bedside or in the community. Whatever we might like to think, its just not the priority.
Second, no-one can do much about research findings because procedures, assuming they are followed, are decided by organisational committees and handed out in the form of protocols and standard operating procedures. The nurse who wants to introduce anything new needs the skills not so much of understanding arcane research methodology but of political and bureaucratic nous and muscular survival. As one nurse said in a focus group run by a colleague of mine recently ‘If you don’t act by the protocol the repercussions come back on yourself and you stand alone’. The space of healthcare delivery is a space where subjectivity is almost entirely erased in a realm of procedures, where nurses and others crave to act and be seen to act in a way in which they are ‘covered’. Nurses are awkwardly suspended between science and witchcraft. Like the chorus of women in poet T. S. Eliot’s Murder in the Cathedral, their overriding concern is ‘in avoiding notice’, they are ‘Living and partly living’ or like those in the Laodicean church in the book of Revelation who are not passionate but lukewarm and are ‘spewed out’ of God’s mouth. Nurses have been wanting to be ‘covered’ for thirty years at least and the rise of evidence based practice merely provides a new backdrop and a different vocabulary for this fearful and masochistic desire for invisibility and annihilation. So, research, innovation, impact and nursing do not fit easily together without looking through half closed eyes.
I want to return to the particular expectations placed on research within healthcare and then within nursing because it can inform our debate and gives some explanation for why we are all here this morning. Since the 1940s when the medical profession was corralled into the National Health Service in this country, governments have become increasingly bothered by that profession’s ability to eat up whatever resources were thrown into the system. At the same time, roughly – perhaps rather later, a sociology of the professions has recast these apparently altruistic and knowledgeable groups like medicine but also others as self-serving elites who masquerade as motivated by the needs of their clients but whose chief concern is in building up their sphere of influence possibly even at the expense of these clients. Their call for resources – in the case of medicine from the national purse – has been made convincing by the profession’s secret body of knowledge and by the privacy and emotive power of their relationship with individual patients. In the UK, governments have tried a number of approaches to curb this expensive professional power: general management, market forces, for example, but current arrangements look to be the most successful: a nice mixture of inspection agencies, new levels of recording activity and outcome, guidelines for practice, readily available ‘evidence’ and incentives – or rather penalties. So research in the healthcare arena (apart from being a potential money-spinner in the form of turning the NHS into a research field for pharmaceutical companies) is a battleground where various professional groups can demonstrate their effectiveness and be seen to be concerned with issues like treatment and outcome variation.
One strong impulse for nursing to take up the drive for research and evidence based practice is connected to the profession’s ever-present desire for credibility and a little status in a healthcare world dominated by other powerful professions. As soon as talk of evidence based activity was out of the bag it became a currency that was not likely to go away. Back in the late 80s and early 90s in response to a rising managerialism and cost-containment, nurses and others were busy in efforts aimed at demonstrating their ‘value for money’. Then, later in the 1990s, they needed to show that they were acting from a reliable scientific basis. Some looked to ‘evidence’ quite explicitly as another vehicle for demonstrating the so-called ‘value of nursing’, the value of having qualified nurses on the staff. Yet strangely, in recent focus groups that I have run with nurses , the influence of research came very low down on the list of forces affecting practice and decision-making. Organisational protocols featured far more prominently. The strange thing was that the focus group members did not see this kind of circumscribed working as compromising their professional autonomy and image. Quite the opposite. Telling me that the protocols in force in their NHS trusts had been developed from specifically nursing research (rather than medical research) they saw the existence of these instructions as a sign that nursing had finally come of age and as proof of its professional status. These groups also told me repeatedly that when research did influence practice it was through formal decision-making bodies and channels that they were not privy to. Generally, instructions seemed to come down to use this kind of dressing rather than that. So, among a risk-averse and arguably not hugely powerful group, this is perhaps a procedure that suits everyone and has a built-in opportunity to complain a little about being disempowered while actually finding the lack of personal autonomy deeply reassuring because you are ‘covered’.
Finally I want you to entertain the thought that we might share a fond overestimation of the importance of research altogether. Could it possibly be that the whole research enterprise and our belief in its usefulness and its ‘impact’ is part of a pervasive but desperate fantasy? And the fantasy at its most basic is something like this: that we live and breathe and work in a rational world that we can largely take control of through rational examination, planning and action.
In nursing and healthcare this belief has a particular flavour – which I have talked a little about.
The main value of this story is in boosting our morale, as enlightened Westerners, by letting us feel for a moment or two that we are masters and mistresses of our collective destiny. The rational abilities of the human mind have had to take on the roles and responsibilities previously allocated to gods, or God. But what if human events in any realm are largely determined by forces that we are barely aware of whether they be unconscious, as Freud would argue, or ideological, as Marx or Althusser might say? These, just to take two, might be influencing what goes on in healthcare organisations and policy making – and nobody acknowledges it because its in most people’s interests to maintain this pretence that everything important is out in the open.
So, publishing in high impact places? well, not all research in nursing has anything directly to do with practice (and this is worth remembering) and those researchers that are involved in such work, if they have a choice of one or the other, would perhaps be better off spending their time trying to influence decision-making agencies and bodies rather than individual nurses. Of course there will always be some individuals in units that are the exception, but I would argue that the in an increasingly standardised health service, the role of any individual journal-reading nurse in innovating practice is in fact quite small.

Ear plugs make you go faster

After riding a motorcycle for 18 months I tried using ear plugs for the first time on a nice sunny run to Waitrose – its just the other side of town but can be reached nicely by taking the northern bypass then dropping on to the M11 for some miles, then a mile or two back in to town on the south side. The difference (wearing earplugs, I mean – not shopping at Waitrose) is astonishing – so much calmer none of that rattly wind sound at speeds higher than 60 mph. On a nice stretch it felt so much more effortless to reach easy three figure speeds (of course I’m talking about 69.9mph). Earplugs will be compulsory from now on.

Also out for the first time are my new Triumph Roadster gloves. They are lighter and less clumpy than my last ebay purchases, fasten well at the wrist so they don’t get torn off in an accident and, I think, look really good:
picture-11
Waitrose is also OK. I parked next to a BMW K1100. You don’t see many of those outside ASDA.